


Memories Lost...Memories Found.

by StormyBear30



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-21
Updated: 2011-10-25
Packaged: 2017-10-24 20:12:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/267410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam temporarily loses him memory.  What happens when he started to get it back??</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are mine and this is un-beta’d.

“Is he ok?” Kris cried out as he ran into the room, his breathing erratic and fast as his heart beat frantically in his chest.

“Don’t know, they aren’t saying anything” Neil Lambert responded nonchalantly, going back to the magazine he held in his hands. “Maybe he’s dead”

“Don’t say things like that” Kris cried out, tears pricking his eyes as he fell heavily onto the chair next to his brother in law and yet for some reason he didn’t know if they were tears of fright or tears of relief. “What the hell happened?”

Neil eyed Kris for a long time before speaking again, still not understanding after so many years and so much pain that the man still held a shred of love for the brother he hated with a passion. “What took you so long to get here?” He asked instead of answering Kris’s question.

“I was out running a few errands. I guess I didn’t hear my phone and” He replied quickly, making it a point to avoid eye contact with Neil.

“You mean you were hiding from the Diva” Neil cut him off, a fire burning in his gut at the deer in the headlights look of guilt staring back at him. “I’m sorry” He replied, although he didn’t really know what he was sorry for, the fact that Kris was in a loveless marriage with his brother or the fact that he truly wished the man was dead. “I don’t really know what happened. The Diva was at rehearsal and one minute he was standing on stage and the next minute he wasn’t”

“He fell off of the stage?” Kris asked, his brow furrowed because Adam had played on that stage many times since the start of his career and knew the layout like the back of his hand. It just didn’t make any that he had just fallen off of it.

“It was the damndest thing” Neil shrugged again, focusing back on his magazine.

“Did you push him?” Kris questioned, not getting a response as a man in a white coat took that exact moment to walk into the private waiting room.

“He’s going to be ok” The doctor assured, looking between the two men standing in front of him, not understanding why neither of them seemed to be very relieved to hear the good news. “He has a small concussion and one heck of a knot on his head, but other than that everything else is normal. We can keep him overnight if you want, but honestly there isn’t anything more we’d be doing here then you could do at home”

“Lucky us…” Neil mocked surprise, ignoring the annoyed look from Kris.

“Can we see him?” Kris asked, his heart feeling like lead as the doctor nodded his approval. Reaching out he took his brother in laws hand, looking at him with pleading eyes as the doctor turned and started walking away. “Please…” He begged softly because the idea of walking into Adam’s hospital room alone terrified him in more ways than he wanted to explain.

“We can let them keep him overnight Kris” He heard Neil whisper loudly, ignoring the way the doctor turned and looked at the both suspiciously as they continued towards his room.

“Look…I’m not going to pretend to not know who he is and who you are” The doctor said softly as they stood outside a private hospital room. “If there is something that you feel you need to tell me then this is the time” He went on, eyeing the plaster cast of Kris’s left arm.

“Can we just see him please?” Kris ignored the concern and suspicion in the doctor’s eyes as he let go of Neil’s hand, trying his best to hide the clunky cast covering his arm. “Are you sure that he’s going to be ok to go home?” He questioned peeking in through the small window on the door, his heart racing so quickly in his chest that he was having a hard time catching his breath.

“Physically he’s fine but we did give him something for the pain. Like I said we can keep him overnight if you want or I can send a nurse in with his discharge paperwork and he can go home. I’m going to send home some medication for the pain, but other than that he really just needs to relax and rest” The doctor said still looking between the two men who clearly had a secret to tell.

“Neil take care of his discharge. I’m going to take him home” Kris replied, opening the door and stepping inside, ignoring the mumble of incoherent words spouted behind him.

“Kris…oh my god baby…I’m so glad to see you” Adam cried out the moment that Kris entered the room, relief rushing over him as he watched the man that he loved walk over towards the bed hesitantly, a look in his eyes that almost looked like fear.

“Adam…” Kris nodded towards him, standing on the side of the bed with his hands at his side.

“Why are you just standing there, get over here and kiss me” Adam demanded playfully, not understanding the way his husband flinched at his words, a look of full dread covering his face. “Kris…baby…I’m ok” He assured, reaching out and grabbing his hand, tugging him until he took the hint and attempted to climb onto the bed next to him. “What the fuck happened to your hand?” He cried out after noticing the cast and the painful flicker of pain that crossed Kris’s face.

“You…you don’t remember?” Kris asked softly, pulling away from Adam altogether, trying to hide his casted arm once again behind his thin frame.

“Don’t remember…no. What happened? Did someone do that to you?” Adam yelled, falling back against the pillow when a bout of dizziness and a sharp pain washed over him. “Kris baby…Beatle… tell me what the hell’s going on?” He became confused even further at the two sharp intakes of breath he heard in the room as he looked over and found his brother standing in the doorway, his mouth hanging open and a look of pure anger beaming from his eyes. He mentally shrugged it off because Neil always seemed to be mad at him for one reason or another, but his confusion grew even further at the look of stunned hurt staring back from Kris’s face.

“You haven’t called him Beatle in years you son of a bitch and now today you want to try and what…make amends…make him feel as if you still fucking care for him. You need someone to take care of you and you use that word because you know he will and…”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Adam roared, totally confused, his head hurting even more. “I’ve been calling Kris that ever since I learned of his fascination with the Beatles” Adam defended the playful nickname he had pegged Kris with when they first started dating. “Why would I need to make amends with Kris?” His voice got even louder because he had no idea what the hell was going on or why Kris seemed frozen where he stood beside the bed. “Kris…please come here” He held out his hand towards his lover, holding his breath as Kris stared at it for a few moments before taking it and carefully climbing onto the bed next to him. Adam couldn’t do anything but sigh in relief and contentment as Kris laid down beside him. “I don’t know what the hell is going on and I don’t care because all that matters is that you’re here and that I love you” Once again confusion coated him as he watched his brother storm out of the room as Kris’s entire body grew rigid as steel beside him.

"It seems that he may have a case of temporary amnesia" The doctor explained as Neil and Kris sat in his office several hours later after many tests had been run and rerun on Adam.

"What does that even mean?" Neil bit out in irritation. "He sure seemed to remember Kris and the nickname he used to call him before he turned into a diva asshole"

Neil...please” Kris sighed, taking a deep breath before turning his attention back towards the doctor. "Can you please explain what that means?"

"Simply put he thinks its two thousand and nine. He doesn't remember anything after that"

"That's bullshit" Neil cried out, pushing himself out of his chair and glaring at the doctor. "What you mean to say is that he's choosing to ignore the past two years and all of the hurt he's caused the man he claimed to love. So tell me how much is he paying you to play along with his game?" He pointed an accusing finger across the desk.

Kris watched as the doctor took several deep breaths before speaking, a vein pulsing madly in his neck. "I can guarantee that I don't know what you are talking about Mr. Lambert but if you do not lower your voice and control yourself then I will have you removed from this hospital"

"You can't do that" Neil countered as a dare.

"I'm the chief of staff at this hospital...try me" The doctor countered back without hesitation.

"Neil...please stop" Kris pleaded with him once again, grabbing him by the elbow and forcing him to sit back down beside him. "What do we have to do?" He questioned the doctor, his heart beating like mad as he hoped and prayed he recommended hospitalization, that same heart beating even faster when he recommended the complete opposite.

“Honestly there is no reason to keep him here. All of his test have come back normal, but I will tell you again Mr. Allen if you there is something that you would like to tell you it will held in the strictest of confidence” The doctor assured, once again eyeing the cast on his arm.

“There is nothing to tell” Kris replied with as much of a smile as he could muster, although he was terrified at the idea of taking Adam back home with him. “I’ll take him home with me. Is there anything that I need to be worried about? How soon do you think it will be before he gets his memory back?”

“Just go about your normal lives” The doctor suggested, once again noticing the way that his patents husband went pale. “It’s important that he continue to live his life as he had before the accident”

“Oh…so we should allow him to go back to the diva fucking drama princess he was before. We should let him go back to treating his husband like a piece of shit. Hell…maybe we should just…”

“Neil…” Kris cried out loudly before he could finish his sentence. “I’m sorry as you can see there is no love lost between Adam and his brother, but I can assure you that we will do everything in our power to ensure that Adam gets his memory back”

“Fat fucking chance in hell” Neil replied, once again jumping out of his chair. “The only thing that I’m going to be doing is making sure that that mother fucker doesn’t hurt you again”

“Are you sure there isn’t anything that you want to tell me before we release him Mr. Allen?” The doctor asked again as they both watched Neil storm out of the room. “If needed I can get you some help”

“I’m…we’re all fine” He spoke quickly, getting up off of his chair as well. “We’re going to be fine” He said again as he lingered by the door, neither of them believing a word of it.

“What do you mean Neil lives with us? When did that happen?” Adam asked in irritation as the three of them rode in the back seat of the car Kris had called for service after his release from the hospital.

“About the time you lost your fucking mind and decided to treat Kris like a piece of shit and not the man that you used to love and respect as your equal” Neil shot out from the front seat of the car, turning and giving Adam such an evil glare that it caused both Kris and Adam to jerk back from it.

“What…what are you talking about? I would never hurt Kris” Adam cried out in hurt and shock as he quickly wrapped his arm around his husband, the stiffness of the body next to him not going unnoticed. “I may have temporary amnesia, but I do remember how much I love my husband”

“It’s just fucking amazing” Neil mumbled, deciding to keep his thoughts and opinions to himself as he looked over the seat at Kris. His heart ached for just how small and unsure the once vibrant man seemed as he sat aside his brother. He could read the fear and the pain in his brother in laws eyes and the protective side in him expanded. He had vowed many years ago when the Adam that they both knew and loved began to change that he was always going to be there for Kris, the one day he wasn’t resulting in a trip to the emergency room for a concussion and a broken arm. It had been nearly six weeks since he had received the phone call from the hospital that Kris had been brought in, the guilt still gnawing at him because he had decided to take the afternoon off in order to get laid. Closing his eyes he inhaled several times before opening them once again and assuring Kris through eye contact alone that he would stop being difficult and be the person Kris needed him to be.

“Why would Neil say those things?” Adam asked Kris as they made their way into the house, still no understanding why his brother seemed to be living with them and why he felt that he treated Kris like shit. “You know I would never hurt you…right?” He questioned, starting to panic when Kris still hadn’t responded.

“I know Adam…I know” Kris replied, hoping that he sounded reassuring because he sure as hell didn’t feel it. “You know how Neil gets sometimes” He said in way of reasoning as he ushered Adam into the bedroom they shared. “The doctor said that you need to get some rest tonight and then tomorrow we can try and come up with some things that may jog your memory. You had a show scheduled for tomorrow night at the Kodak theatre but I’ve already had your personal assistant call everyone and explain what happened and if I knew the powers that be that control your career it’s only a matter of time before it’s rescheduled and everything is taken care of” Again his hoped that he voice carried an air of assurance because deep inside he felt anything but as he worked his way around the room collecting the things he knew Adam would need for bed. “You should lay down and rest” He said when he turned around and found Adam standing in front of the bed with a strange look on his face. “Are you in any pain?” He asked quickly, rushing across the room and picking up the bag of medicine that doctor had prescribed for Adam. “The doctor said that you may get headaches from time to time and if you did to give you one of these” He held out the pill, still not understanding the look on his husbands face. “What’s wrong?”

“Where are all of our wedding pictures?” Adam asked, looking around the room before turning to look at Kris. “I know that I’ve lost some time in my memories but I clearly remember that we had pictures of our wedding…of our life all over this room”

Kris panicked internally for a moment, wanting to tell Adam that he had destroyed all of their pictures in a blind and drug induced rage but he thought better of it as he took a deep breath and told the first of what he was sure to be many lies. “We had decided to redecorate the room and put them up for safe keeping, but with how crazy everything has been in your career it just never happened” He felt the lie was believable enough, starting to relax a tiny bit when Adam seemed to accept it as well. He watched as Adam sat down on the bed, looking tired and still somewhat confused. “What is the last thing you remember?” Kris asked as he walked over towards the bed, lying the night clothes he had picked out for Adam next to him before sitting on a chair across the room.

“I’m not really sure” Adam sighed, confusion and frustration all rolled into one across his face. “I can remember Idol and how we met. I remember your divorce from Katy and when you moved in here. I remember the first time you told me you were in love with me and making love to you afterwards” Adam smiled, reaching his hand out towards his husband because he needed his closeness. He couldn’t understand the way Kris hesitated as he stared at his hand, but it didn’t last long as it was taken and he sat down beside him. “I remember working on my album and the tour and how exciting it was. I remember our wedding day and how wonderful and amazing the honeymoon was afterwards”

“It was amazing” Kris replied softly, lying his head on Adam’s shoulder as he fell back into the memories of one of the happiest days of his life. “I never wanted that day to end”

“I didn’t either” Adam replied, wrapping one arm around Kris’s waist and leaning his cheek on top of Kris’s head. “I remember bits and pieces of other things, but that’s the memory that sticks out most in my mind. The doctor said that I’ve lost my memories of the last two years…tell me about them” Adam asked, confused once again at the way Kris’s body went rigid before he jerked himself away from him altogether.

“I think that you should rest now and we can talk more tomorrow” He rushed out, grabbing onto Adam’s hand and pulling him up from the bed. “Go get ready for bed. I’m going to go and check on Neil and make sure everything is locked up” He didn’t give him a chance to say anything as he practically bolted out of the bedroom.

“Are you ok?” He heard Neil ask as he walked into the living room and found him sitting on the sofa.

“No…” Kris cried out, falling into Neil’s arms when he jumped up and rushed towards him. “He just so much like the Adam I used to love, the Adam I knew was still in there somewhere” Kris sobbed, holding onto Neil tightly. “He’s so unsure and confused and I want to help him, be there for him, but then I remember everything he’s done to me in the last few years and I find myself terrified to do anything at all”

“I can’t even imagine how hard and confusing this must be for you” Neil replied, leading Kris back over towards the sofa, wrapping his arm around his shoulder once he sat the two of them down. “You were the only one that held out any hope that the old Adam was still somewhere in there, but you need to promise me that you’re going to be careful Kris. I don’t know why you’ve stuck around for as long as you have after he turned into a fucking monster because you should have left his ass a long time ago. He may seem like the same Adam from before, but it’s only a matter of time before he gets his memory back and then it’s going to be as it was before”   
“I know” Kris continued to sob, burying his face in Neil’s shoulder. “It’s just that I always hoped that he would realize how horrible he’s been and go back to the man that I gave up my entire life and career for. It’s not fair Neil…it’s not fair” Neil had no words as he continued to hold Kris, wishing that he could do or say something to take away Kris’s obvious pain. “I better get back to him” Kris finally broke the silence surrounding them, pushing himself away from the warmth of Neil’s body.

“Are you sleeping with me tonight?” Neil asked, getting up himself.

“No…not tonight” Kris replied, already dreading going back to the room he knew Adam was waiting in. “The doctor said to keep everything as normal as possible and you and I sleeping in the same bed is far from normal”

“You and Adam sleeping in the same bed is far from normal” Neil shot out, taking a deep breath before speaking again. “You two haven’t slept in the same bed in almost a year Kris” He reminded the smaller man, holding his arms out towards him once again at the tearful look in got in reply. “I’m sorry Kris” He whispered against the top of his head.

“As far as he’s concerned this is two thousand and nine and back then we were happy and in love. We couldn’t stand to be apart from each other and when we were together we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other” Kris burrowed deeper into Neil’s embrace as he recalled the years prior when they had been so happy together. “I miss those times so much. There isn’t a day that goes by that I think about how happy we were, about how much he used to love me”

“I know baby” Neil murmured, holding Kris just a little bit tighter before stepping away from him. “I’m going to be right next door and if you need me for anything don’t hesitate to scream for me. I’ve kicked his ass before for trying to hurt you, don’t think that I won’t do it again” His brow furrowed, his lips a tight line as he looked at the cast Kris cradled across his chest. “I failed you once…I won’t do it again”

“You’ve never failed me Neil” Kris rushed back into his arms, hating that Neil continued to take the blame for his broken arm. “You had nothing to do with my arm and I’d wish you’d stop blaming yourself”

“I wasn’t there…if I had been there…” He stopped speaking at the sound of another voice calling out for Kris from upstairs. “If you need me I’m right next door” He repeated what he had said earlier, kissing Kris on the forehead before rushing up the stairs to what had become his bedroom since moving in.

He stood outside the door for a few moments, taking a deep breath and praying for strength as he opened it slowly and stepped inside. "I was wondering if you were going to come back" Adam smiled, parting the bed next to him. "Come lay beside me. It’s been a long and confusing day and I just want to snuggle with my Beatle"

"I need to get ready for bed" Kris rushed out, running for the adjoining bathroom and shutting the door quickly before Adam could say anything. "You can do this...you can do this" He spoke to himself through the mirror, washing his face quickly before he prepared for bed and entered back into the room. He hesitated for a moment before climbing onto the bed next to Adam. "Do you need anything?" He asked, lying as far away from Adam as he could without being completely obvious.

"I only need to hold you in my arms" Adam replied with a yawn as he shifted over and pulled his husband into his arms. "I love you so much Kris" He said, leaning forward to kiss him, pulling back with a frown at the way Kris seemed to freeze up with such a look of fear across his face. "Kris?"

"Maybe we shouldn't do anything to get you excited?" Kris answered quickly, trying to avoid Adam's eyes.

"I just wanted to kiss my husband goodnight" Adam replied softly, completely confused as to why Kris seemed almost petrified to be anywhere near him. "Kris...I..."

"I'm sorry Adam. I guess I'm more shaken up then I thought I was” He tried assuring Adam even though he felt anything but as he leaned in and kissed lips he hadn't felt against his own in nearly a year. Tears burned behind his closed eye lids as he recalled how kissing each other used to be such a great joy to both of them. As if under no control of his own, his arms wrapped around Adam's neck, clinging to him like a drowning man in need of a life preserver as the kiss continued.

“I’m ok baby” Adam whispered against Kris’s ear as he continued to cling to him. “It’s just temporary amnesia. I’ll be back to my old self soon enough…trust me”

“You need to get some rest” Adam heard Kris say, confused yet again when his body went rigid at his words. He didn’t try to fight him though, as he wrapped his arms even tighter around the man that he loved, sending a silent prayer out into the universe that when he woke up the next morning that everything had been as it had before.   
Kris woke up to the press of something warm on his stomach, a heated slickness on his dick that caused him to cry out in fearful pleasure. He tried to move, tried to get away, but what turned out to be Adam’s large hand on his stomach, held him in place as he continued to devour him in a way that he hadn’t done in such a long time. “Adam…” He rushed out, not sure if he was calling him to stop or continue, yet he found that he didn’t care as Adam looked up at him with a wink and a playful glint before setting back to his task. Kris gave up all aspects of thinking after that as he gripped onto the Adam’s hand; the only thing that mattered was that the man that he still loved despite it all was looking up at him with such love and want in his eyes. “God Adam…” He cried out, arching up into his heated mouth as he gave into his orgasm and came down his throat.

“Kris are you ok?” Kris heard Neil cry out as the bedroom door was thrown open and Adam’s brother stormed in looking as if he were ready to murder his only brother.

“What the fuck Neil?” Adam cried out as he grabbed one of the blankets from the bed and threw it over Kris’s naked lower body.

“Get the fuck off of him you son of a bitch” Neil roared, lunging for Adam and knocking him to the floor with the brunt of his body.

Kris couldn’t do anything for a few moments as he tried to come down from his sexual high while trying to figure out why Neil and Adam were wrestling on the floor. “Stop…” He cried out, his voice raspy and soft as they continued to battle below him. “Stop…” He cried out even louder when he watched Neil slam his fist into his brother’s face, not caring that he wasn't fully clothed as he rushed off of the bed and tried to pull the two of them apart. “No…stop” He continued to cry out, tears rushing to his eyes as he was tossed into the mix, his casted hand hitting the wooden frame of the bed. The pain was unbearable as he pulled it to his chest, unable to focus on another else around him but the pain and the nausea that it had created. Everything became too much after that as he curled up into a ball and cried. He cried over the pain shooting up his arm, but he also cried out over the pain and confusion inhabiting his mind and his heart as well.

The police officer said nothing as he watched the two men, possibly brother’s glare at each other where they sat on each side of the small room. He could tell by the cuts and bruises on each of their faces that their scuffle had been bad, the pale and marred face of the other man they had brought in with them proving it. “You can’t hold us here” He heard one of them yell at him, ignoring him as he continued to watch the doctor who had called him as he spoke to the pale man.

“I wish you hadn’t gotten the police involved” Kris said softly to the doctor sitting on a stool in front of him, the same doctor who had treated Adam the day earlier. “Do you have any idea who Adam is and what a field day the press is going to have with this. I mean, we haven’t even dealt with the fact that he has temporary amnesia and now this. It’s all just too much” He hiccupped, trying to keep it together but failing miserable by the look of sympathy on the doctors face.

“I know exactly who he is Mr. Allen but he is not my main concern right now…you are. There is no doubt that there is something going on between the three of you and whatever it is you seem to be the one on the receiving end of it. Forgive me for being so blunt, but the police were called because it looks to me as if you are being abused by either one of both of those men. I tried to give you an out yesterday when you were here for Adam’s accident but I can’t let it slide today. You look like you were on the receiving end of a punching bag and you’re just damned lucky that you didn’t re-fracture that arm” The doctor spoke straight forward, hating this part of his job. “Technically…I can’t have them arrested, but if you want to press charges all you have to do is tell that officer and it will be done”

“They weren’t beating me up…they were fighting over me” Kris whispered, ignoring the looks he was receiving from the men sitting in the room adjacent to the one he was in. “Neil is Adam’s brother and he’s very protective of me. Not like that…we’re- just really close. There isn’t anything sexual about our relationship” He began to explain. “Adam and I have been having some marital issues this past year” He shrugged, only giving him the outline of the story because he just didn’t think he could tell him the rest without breaking down completely in front of him.

“Has he been physically abusing you?” The doctor asked, eyeing the cast that laid in his patients lap.

“This was an accident” Kris said as he help up the cast. “I really did fall down a flight of stairs”

“I have to say Mr. Allen that it all sounds like the story of an abuse victim” The doctor responded, no hold barred once again. “It’s a story that I hear time after time”

“I’m not going to say that my relationship with Adam hasn’t been insane and fucked up, but it’s never gotten to the physical level” Tears yet again burned in his eyes as he once again looked over and found his husband looking at him with his eyes clouded with confusion and fear. “Can we just go home now?” He asked, not really wanting to go back because he knew that once they did they were going to have to deal with what had just happened that morning.

“Mr. Allen…are you sure that you don’t want to rethink pressing charges. You’re scared…I get that but I can promise you that we can get you the help that you need”

“I don’t need any help and I just want to go home and pretend that this never happened” Kris replied curtly, sliding off of the exam table. “Let’s go” He said as he entered the room that Adam, Neil and the officer sat in. “I don’t want to press any charges” He spoke quickly to the officer, ignoring the look of confusion he gave the doctor as Neil and Adam stood up and followed him out of the room.

No words were spoken as they made their way into the parking garage, Kris climbing into the front seat as Neil slid behind the wheel. Adam kept his mouth shut as he climbed into the back seat, feeling more lost and confused over the close relationship apparent between Kris and his brother and the fact that the doctor had thought Kris needed protection from either him or Neil. "Are you ok?" Neil broke the silence, looking over at the slumped figure next to him.

"I'm fine Neil" Kris replied tiredly, locking eyes with Adam through the rear view mirror briefly before he found fascination with the new cast on his arm because he couldn’t stand to see what was staring back at him.

"I'm not just talking about your arm" Neil cut back, glaring at his brother sulking in the back seat. "I mean are you ok after my brother tried to rape you in your sleep?"

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

"Neil” Kris cried out while he watched Adam's mouth open and close several times before he bolted out the car the minute they pulled into the driveway. "Why the fuck would you say shit like that?" Kris yelled, eyes wide because he wasn't sure how he was supposed to fee about anything that was going on. On one hand he was happy that he had Neil for support but on the other hand he wanted to strangle him for the hurt he saw in Adam's eyes before he jumped out of the car.

"What...it’s true. Isn't it?" He yelled back, knowing he was pushing Kris by the curse words flying out of his mouth but he didn’t care because he had made a promise to himself to watch over Kris after everything that had happened between him and his brother, and it was a promise he fully intended to keep.

"You can't rape the willing" Kris replied guilty, bowing his head for a moment before looking back up at Neil's shocked face. "The truth is I probably would have done a lot more if you hadn't come in"

"Kris...you can't" Neil felt bad for his brother in law because he knew how much Kris loved Adam, but he also knew that Kris was fragile after everything that had happened and it wasn’t going to take much to push him over the edge.

"You think I don't know that" Kris shouted, throwing his hands up in frustration. "I still love him Neil. I know I shouldn't but how do you tell your heart that loving the man you feel is your soul mate is wrong. He's so much like he was before and I want to hate him for what he's done to me...but right now I just can't. I just love and miss him so much” The tears rolled down Kris's face in torrents, flowing even harder when Neil reached over and pulled him into his arms. "You have no idea how grateful I am that you've been here for me and I know you’re right, but as much as I know I should be pushing him away I just can't. I still hold so much hope that the man he was before will reappear...he has to Neil...he just has to" Neil had no words once again as he stepped out of the car, walking behind Kris as they headed towards the house.

“Are you ok?” Kris questioned cautiously after composing himself as he walked into Adam’s bedroom and found him sitting on the edge of that bed with his head in his hands.

“No…I’m far from ok” Adam whispered, looking up at Kris with tears in his eyes. “I’m confused as hell because I’ve been trying to figure out why you flinch every time I try I try and touch you and then I have Neil accusing me of trying to rape you. I don’t know what to think and I’m so fucking scared because apparently something about our relationship has changed and yet I have no memory of it”

“Neil shouldn’t have said that to you” Kris said as he walked deeper into the room, sitting down next to Adam on the bed. “Things haven’t been good between us for a long time” He went on, not sure if it was the right thing to tell Adam about their relationship with his temporary memory loss, but willing to take that chance because he needed to know the truth. “In fact for pretty much the last year we’ve been living separate lives”

“I don’t understand” Adam replied brokenly.

“I know you don’t and honestly I don’t know if this is the time to tell you but if you really want to know I’ll tell you”

“Is what Neil said true…did I try and rape you before?” Adam wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer to that question as Kris got a tearful faraway look in his eyes.

“You were high one night when you came home from the studio” Kris began, recalling the night that everything in their relationship took a turn for the worst. “You always get horny when your high and before I didn’t mind it because you were always so clingy and cuddly, but that night you were just mean. The truth was that our relationship was already strained at that point, but then you came home and demanded that I have sex with you and when I refused you decided that you didn’t care” He swallowed hard as he recalled how Adam had literally slammed him into the wall of the hallway before plucking him off of the floor and manhandling him into the bedroom. “I kept telling you no over and over again but it was like each time I said no to you it only turned you on even more. You had me completely naked before Neil heard me screaming and burst into the room. The two of you beat the shit out of each other. It was so bad that I was petrified that one of you might kill the other but then he got the upper hand and punched you so hard that it knocked you across the room. I rushed over to help you because no matter what you had tried to do to me, you were my husband and I loved you, but you pushed me away and banned me from sleeping in our room again. I thought that once you became sober that you would have realize what you had done and we could move on from it because I was willing to forgive and forget, but that never happened. You actually blamed me for not providing you with my husbandry duties and once again banned me from sleeping in our bed. I started sleeping with Neil after that”

“Oh my god…” Adam cried out, tears burning his eyes as he tried to ingest all that he had heard. “You and Neil…?” He couldn’t finish his sentence because the very idea of the two of them together made Adam want to kill himself

“It’s not sexual…it never has been” Kris went on, hating the swirling look of emotions flashing across his eyes. “He’s been my savior since our relationship started falling apart. He’s know that I’m weak when it comes to you”

“Have I been cheating on you?” He asked, unable to look at Kris’s face because he was petrified at what he was going to find.

“You said you haven’t but Neil doesn’t seem to believe you” Kris shrugged, hands clasped between his knees.

“What do you think?” Adam asked, still unable to look at Kris.

“I don’t know honestly because there is a huge part of me that still wants to believe that you love me and would never do anything like that to hurt me, but that night you told me that you were in no short supply of eager men to bed…so I don’t really know” He shrugged again, wiping at his nose with the sleeve of his shirt as the tears began to fall again.

“I don’t remember any of this” Adam sobbed, hiding his face in his hands. “I feel as if this is all some horrible fucking dream and I’m going to wake up with you next to me assuring me that it’s not real”

“It’s real” Kris assured, getting up off of the bed and walking towards the other side of the room. “You feel as if you’re living in a nightmare, well think about how I’ve been feeling for the last year” He blurted out in a rush of anger. “You were my sweet and loving husband one day and then the next you were hateful and mean. You shut me out of your life so quickly and so fully that I never saw it coming. You’ve hurt me in ways that I would have never expected to come from the man who on our wedding day claimed to love me until the day he took your last breath. I know that you’re confused and you’re hurt but not anymore then I’ve been confused and hurt for the last year. I can’t do this anymore right now. I think that we’ve both had a lot to deal with in the last two days. I need some time to decompress and I’m sure you’re exhausted after everything you’ve just learned. I’ll order in some food later and I’ll have Neil bring it up to you”

“Kris…please don’t shut me out. I need you” Adam croaked, his throat heavy and scratchy from his tears and the pain of all he had learned in such a short amount of time.

“I can’t be around you right now Adam. I know you need me but I need some time alone to think. I’ve been living in hell with you for nearly a year and it’s too much to have to deal with your memory loss and reliving the pain over again. Please…just give me some time to come to come to terms with everything. We can talk again tomorrow” Adam said nothing as he watched Kris storm out of the room, slamming the door loudly behind him. Tears raced down his face as he tried over and over again to recall any of what Kris had told him, only remembering the times when they were happy and in love.

Neil found his brother sitting on the floor in the corner of his bedroom looking so lost that it made him feel bad for about a second before he recalled the hell had put everyone through the year prior. “Kris wanted me to bring you some food but you have memory loss and not paralysis so you can come downstairs and eat what he ordered when you’re hungry” He stared at the man before walking towards the bedroom door once again.

“Did I cheat on him?” Adam asked brokenly, watching as he brother gripped onto the side of the door jamb before turning to face him.

Neil hesitated for a moment before speaking, wondering if he should tell that truth or lie. “No…you never cheated on him” He decided to tell the truth despite the fact he enjoyed the idea of hurting his brother more than anything in the world at that moment in time.

“But you’ve let Kris believe that I have?” He looked up at Neil, still not understanding why his brother hated him as much as he did.

“Don’t try and blame any of this shit on me Adam. You’ve told him time and time again that you’ve never had any shortage of willing men to fill your bed after things started to go bad. Kris isn’t an idiot and he knows that there really are no shortages of idiots that would let you fuck them, but he’s so mentally confused that he isn’t sure if you’d actually go through with it or not. I opted to keep the truth from him because…”

“You’re in love with him” Adam replied before Neil could finish his sentence, leaning his head back against the wall but not breaking the eye contact between the two of them.

“I love him…but not in the way that you’re insinuating” Neil snapped, storming across the room to tower over his brother. “Kris is an amazing man. He’s always been too good for you but for some reason he choose to give his love to you. That man has done everything in his power to make you happy and at the beginning you did the same, but then you began to change and little by little I’ve watched this once brilliant and amazing man lose more and more of himself because of you and your selfishness” He kept his words low enough that Kris couldn’t hear them downstairs, but loud enough that Adam knew just how much he hated him and why. “I will never forgive you for what you’ve done to him”

“Thank you for looking out for him” Adam replied, more tears flowing down his cheeks. “I don’t remember any of this but I can tell by the looks on your faces that it’s all real”

"It’s totally real. You've worn him down to the point that he's half the man he used to be"

"I don’t remember any of this” He repeated. “And I’m so fucking confused as to what changed that we’ve become like this. What happened?" Adam asked even though he was sure that he didn’t want to hear the answer.

"You hired the gruesome twosome" Neil replied pointedly.

"My publicists? I remember you nicknaming them that" Adam recalled the two women who practically ruled his career and his life, although he didn't know what they had to do with the failing of his marriage to Kris. "What do they have to do with Kris and I?"

"Do you really have memory loss or are you just playing a game?" Neil questioned with full suspicion in his eyes.

"I fell off of a fucking stage. Why the hell would you think I'm faking?" Adam ground out, rubbing his head in hopes of willing the pain in his head away. "You were there." He jerked his head up, glaring at his brother at the flash of memory that played in his mind. "We were arguing. I don't remember about what but I remember that much. You pushed me" His voice got louder as he pulled himself off of the floor recalling quit vividly the way Neil had grabbed onto him and shoved him hard enough for him to lose his balance and tumble off of the state.

"Maybe I did...maybe I didn't" Neil shrugged with a smirk on his face.

"You hate me so much that you would throw your only brother off of a stage" Adam accused. "You work for me. If it weren't for me you'd still be doing that freelance shit you were doing. You now have money in the bank and..."

"Money doesn't equal happiness" Neil shot back. "As much as you sneered at my freelance work it was something that I loved. I didn't mind working for you as long as I could do what I liked on the side, but then you hired the gruesome twosome and that all changed"

"Changed...how?" Adam questioned, clutching at his head as he sat down on the bed. "None of this makes any sense to me"

“I have no idea if you are being serious here or if this is some huge fucking joke” Neil cried out in frustration. “They changed everything when you let them take over your life” He decided to just tell Adam everything in the event that he truly did have amnesia. “You never required me to sign a contract to work for you at the beginning. Everything was great then. I was getting to travel the world, making some good money and believe it or not I actually loved that I was getting to do all of this with my brother. During your down time I was able to do my writing on the side, but then you hired them and I was basically told that it was either you or my freelance work. I tried to fight them. I even tried talking to you about it but you were so busy and stressed out about the upcoming European tour that nothing else seemed to matter to you. They kept telling me that it was your idea and as much as I didn’t want to believe them, the fact that you didn’t seem to care when I brought it up pretty much proved their point”

“I had nothing to do with that Neil. I had no idea that they made you do that” Adam defended himself, wondering how the hell he hadn’t known. “As much as I don’t understand your love of living by the seat of your pants, I knew how much it meant to you and I would never force you to give it up” Neil didn’t know what to think so he said nothing about what Adam had just said as he paced slowly back and forth across the room. “I now understand part of why you are so angry at me, but I don’t understand what they have to do with Kris and our relationship”

“Did you know that they banned Kris from going to any of your shows?” Neil shot out, the look of shock on Adam’s face confirming that he hadn’t.

“They would never do that” Adam defended his people even though he had an idea that it was going to be a mistake. “They knew how much I loved Kris…how much I loved having him on tour with me when he could be there”

“They may have known but they didn’t fucking care” Neil shot back in anger. “It was during your show in Tokyo. Kris had flown in to surprise you. It was a hell of a flight for him because of delays and engine trouble, but he came to the show with a smile on his face because he was so excited to see you”

“I remember…it was an amazing reunion” Adam recalled with a small smile because it had been pleasantly shocked to find Kris barging into his dressing room mere minutes before the show was set to start. “The show started nearly an hour late because I couldn’t wait to make love to him after being apart for almost two weeks”

“While you were on stage they came up to him and told him you were upset that he had just shown up without warning because you knew how much your fans meant to you and how you hated to disappoint them. He told them that he didn’t believe for one second that you were upset about him just showing up and it just blew up from there. The final result was them telling him that they were banning him from all the rest of your shows. He and I both laughed about it later that night as we waited for you to change afterwards, but they got the last laugh when Kris brought it up in front of them and you agreed with what they said”

“You’re lying” Adam cried out, wanting to cry and scream and break everything he could get his hands on at what Neil had just said. “I would never choose Kris over a show or anything for that matter”

“But you did” They both heard Kris say from the doorway. “The fact of that matter was that when you said it you were already pretty high from the drugs they gave you, but it still hurt nonetheless”

“Drugs…fucking Christ I can’t take anymore” Adam yelled in reply, his head hurting so bad that it was making it almost impossible to see straight. “I just…I can’t take anymore. Please…just leave me alone” He begged, tears blurring his already impaired vision as he grabbed at a pillow and crushed it against his face. “It’s too much…too much” He murmured feeling as if here were losing his mind, flinching away at the hand he felt removing the pillow from his face. “Just leave me alone Kris…please” He begged some more, thankful at the nod of understanding he received from the smaller man. Closing his eyes he tried to will the pain in his head away, but it only seemed to increase as he played over in his mind everything he had heard in the previous few days.

“Are you hungry?” Adam heard Kris ask several hours later after lying in the dark and trying to process everything he had learned about himself and the relationship between him and his husband. During his time alone he was able to recall some of the things that Kris and Neil had told him about, wishing like hell that it had all been a huge lie between them, but the memories proving it anything but. “You really need to eat something Adam” Kris spoke again, walking into the room and turning the light on the dresser on. “Look…I know you’ve had a lot thrown at you and honestly we should have waited until you got your memory back and were feeling better, but It’s all out there now and we need to deal with it. But before we do that I want you to eat this” He held out a plate with what looked to be a submarine sandwich on it. “It’s your favorite” He waived it in front of his nose, smiling a little at the grumble he heard coming from his stomach.

“Thank you” Adam spoke softly as he took the sandwich and bottle of water offered to him. “Can you sit with me while I eat?” He asked when Kris turned to leave the room. He saw the way Kris hesitated for a moment before nodding his head and sitting down at the end of the bed. “It’s good” He smiled in relief after taking a bite. “I haven’t eaten a meatball sub in a long time” He mumbled as he took another bite of the delicious sub.

“You used to only eat them when you weren’t on tour or when you were really upset and just needed some good old fashioned carbs and fat. I figured this covered both of those” Kris shrugged, plucking a meat ball off of Adam’s plate that had fallen from the sandwich and eating it.

“We used to order these, curl up on the couch and watch hours of mindless television when I wasn’t on tour” Adam smiled at the memory, before taking yet another bite because he hadn’t realized just how hungry he had been.

“You’re starting to get some of your memory back?” Kris asked, although he already knew the answer after talking to Neil.

“Yeah…” Adam replied, no longer hungry as he placed the nearly finished sandwich on the bedside table. “Although, honestly I really wish they would just stay away because I feel as if it was all someone else’s life and yet they’re my memories so I know that they it’s all real. If that makes any sense” He shrugged, lying his hands in his lap. “I know it’s probably a year or so too late but I really want to apologize to you for all the hurt I’ve caused you” Kris didn’t know what to say at that as he played with the cast on his arm. “Did I do that to you? Did I break your arm?” He asked even though he really didn’t want to hear the answer.

“Technically yes” Kris replied, picking at the plaster before forcing himself to look up at Adam. “We were arguing at the top of the stairs and you grabbed what I had in my hand. We argued even more and then you let go while I was trying to tug it out of your hand and I lost my balance and fell down the stairs” He watched Adam’s face carefully as he processed what he had told him, knowing he remembered the rest at the tears glistening in his eye.

“You had a suitcase in your hand. You were leaving me and I was so angry when you fell that I just stormed past you and left you there on the floor. I knew your arm was broken because I heard it break and yet I still left you there” He finished what Kris hadn’t. “I remember wanting to go back to you so badly but I was so angry, felt so betrayed that I wanted you to hurt just as much as I was” His eyes grew huge as he recalled how he had literally stepped over his husband who was obviously in pain and walked out of the house.

“You called an ambulance for me” Kris replied with another shrug of his shoulders, tears misting his eyes as well.

“You wanted a divorce…you had the papers but I refused to sign them” Adam went on, ignoring Kris’s attempt at a joke. “You’d caught me in the bathroom doing drugs and you told me it was the last straw, that you couldn’t deal with me anymore. I figured you were buffing once again but you grabbed your suitcase and started packing and I just lost it”

“The ambulance came, my arm was casted and I called Neil” Kris continued on. “We never spoke of it or my leaving you again”

“I wish you would have just left” Adam replied, wiping at his eyes. “Why didn’t you just stay gone after Neil picked you up at the hospital? You had your chance and yet you came back even though your arm was broken and it was because of me. Were you afraid…is that why? Did you think that I would come after you and hurt you even more?”

“I came back because no matter what Adam I was still in love with you. My leaving you was really only a threat because talking to your hadn’t been working. I came back to you because I didn’t want them to win”

“Didn’t want who to win?” Adam asked confused.

“The gruesome twosome” Kris replied curtly. “Did you know that they offered me ten million dollars to divorce you” Kris asked, hoping against hope that Adam didn’t know. “And when I told them to shove their money where the sun didn’t shine they offered me fifty”

“I had no idea” And Kris believed him by the rush of anger that flew across Adam’s face and eyes. “Those fucking bitches are so fucking fired the next time I see them”

“You really had no idea?” He asked again, tears coming to his eyes yet again because despite everything that had happened he now had a flicker of hope.

“I really had no idea Kris” Adam said, reaching forward hesitantly before taking his casted hand into his own. “I just….” He stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath before continuing. “It all makes sense now but back then all I knew was that you were pulling away from me little by little. It started that night after the show in Tokyo. You have no idea how happy I was to see you in my dressing room because I really did miss you so much while I was on that tour. I remember they were furious after the show because the venue people were pissed that it had started so late, but I didn’t care because all I kept thinking was you were waiting for me. I remember one of them handing me a drink and honestly the rest of the night was kind of a blur. All I remember is the next day you were gone and all you left in your wake was a note that you had to get back home and we would talk once I got back. I tried to get you to talk about it when we talked on the phone but you were just so angry and it always seemed to end in a fight. They started giving me the drugs to help me get through the shows and to sleep because I felt as if I was falling apart and then when I did get home you were so distant and I just got angrier and angrier. I didn’t know about half of the stuff that they did to you but regardless this is all my fault”

Kris wanted to deny what Adam had said, but that sad and simple fact that most of it was true. “I’m at fault too because instead of trying to talk to you about it I just pushed you away. Those women are evil Adam. They came into our lives and destroyed our relationship over nothing but fame and fortune. It’s just so fucked up that I don’t even know what to do” He yelled in frustration, picking up the plate Adam had been eating off of and throwing it across the room with his good hand.

“Feel better?” Adam asked with a small chuckled because he couldn’t believe that Kris had just done that.

“A little actually” Kris replied with a hesitant laugh. Before either one of them could say another word they both erupted into laughter, laughing so hard until nether one of them could breathe. The laugher didn’t last long as the seriousness of the situation settled over them once again.

“What do we do now?” Adam asked, staring at the comforter on the bed for a moment before looking back up again.

“I don’t know” Kris replied softly, feeling so completely exhausted that he just wanted to fall asleep and forget about everything for a while. “I’m just kind of numb at the moment” He replied truthfully because he truly didn’t know what to think or what to feel.

“Do you think that we still have a chance?” Adam surged ahead even though he knew that he should probably tread a little lighter. “Are you willing to give us another chance?” He rephrased the question when Kris hadn’t answered.

“I can’t answer that right now” Was Kris’s response. “I mean…I can’t sit here and say that I don’t still love you because let’s face it I am always going to love you Adam, but I honestly don’t know if I even have it in me to try any longer. This past year has taken so much out of me that I don’t know if I have any more energy to use towards us”

“I can understand that” Adam said, his heart feelings as if it was breaking into tiny little shards in his chest. “I can’t imagine what this past year has been like, but I will tell you this Kris…that I’m not ready to give up on us. I’m willing to do anything you want to prove to you that I still love you and that this relationship means more to me than anything else in my life”

“Will you fire those two bitches?” Kris asked, gritting his teeth because despite the fact that he could see the sincerity in Adam’s eyes, it still irritated him that it had taken him falling off of a stage and nearly breaking his neck to realize how far they had drifted apart.

“There both fired the minute I have a chance to get them on the phone” Adam assured quickly.

“Are you willing to cut back on your career and support me for a change?” He continued with this line of questioning.

“I’d give it all up in a heartbeat if it meant that you could forgive me” Adam rushed out, meaning every word.

“You know that I’d never allow you to do that. I know how much your career means to you and how much work and sweat you have put into it” Kris said softly, but truthfully.

“But I would Kris” Adam said as he leaned forward and took both of Kris’s hands into his own. “I’ve fuck up something fierce and I’ve hurt you so much…and there is no excuse for my behavior, but I’m willing to do anything to make you trust me again. I know you love me Kris, but I also know that you don’t trust me and if I have to give up my career to make you trust me again then you can best believe that is what I am going to do”

“You make it so hard to hate you sometimes” Kris sniffled, tears trickling down his face because as angry he was at Adam for the previous year, he still held such hope that they could work through everything and become what they once were.

“I love you Kris…please forgive me” Tears fell from Adam’s eyes as he waited for Kris to respond, the breath he didn’t even know he was holding expelling from his body when Kris wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him.

“We’ll work it out” He heard Kris murmur between kisses, his heart beating with such love for the man he had taken as his husband so many years ago. He knew that they had a long road ahead of them, willing to move heaven and earth to prove to Kris that he meant those words. He also knew that making amends with Neil was going to be another amazingly hard journey, but it was one he was willing to tackle because he knew how close he and Kris had become and because he wanted the easy going relationship once shared between brothers. “Stop thinking so hard and kiss me” Kris said, as he pulled back enough to look into his eyes. “We’ll get there I promise” And as Adam leaned forward and kissed the man who owed his heart and his soul, he actually knew that they would.

The End…for now.


End file.
